My Life as Dinosaur Dental Floss by Bill Myers

Author:Bill Myers
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2010-02-11T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7

A Little House Call

So there we were, lying in the bushes just outside the terrorists’ van.

I’ll spare you the boring details. . . .

You know, little things like how Big Lug stepped outside to check on the noise. How he couldn’t find anything. And then how he lit up a cigarette while standing so close to me that I could count the treads on the bottom of his Nikes.

I won’t even talk about the pain when he finished the cigarette and flicked it to the ground (which was actually the back of my hand) and carefully ground it out with his boot. (It gave a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Smoking is hazardous to your health.”)

I won’t even mention how he strolled right past Wall Street, stopped to check his pockets for a piece of gum, and accidentally dropped a twenty-dollar bill. From underneath the brush, I could see it flutter to the ground . . . just inches from Wall Street’s face.

Poor kid. She lived for making a buck . . . and now there was an entire fortune right there within sneezing distance. The only problem was, Big Lug was also right there, within grabbing distance.

She stared hard at the money, then she glanced over at me through the bushes.

I scowled and mouthed the words, “Don’t you dare.”

Her eyes darted back to the money, then back to me again. Her face started to twitch—an obvious allergic reaction to having so much money so close.

Big Lug continued to stand directly in front of her, not seeing a thing. Instead, he was looking high into the sky. “You ought to come out here,” he called to the woman inside. “The clouds are simply marvelous this time of day.”

“Will ya shut up,” the woman shouted from inside the van. “I’m trying to watch General Hospital.”

Wall Street continued staring at the money. By now she’d worked up a pretty good sweat. And still Big Lug stood there, staring at the sky.

A gust of wind tugged at the bill.

Wall Street began to tremble—like one of those drug movies where the addict is trying to kick his habit.

The wind grew stronger. The bill lifted off the ground and started to blow away. Wall Street’s eyes widened in horror.

Now, let’s face it, there are certain laws in the universe that cannot be changed:

—You spit into the wind; it will come back at you.

—You take a shower; your older brother will fry you by flushing the toilet.

—You empty the cat box; the cat will use it within thirty seconds.

These are the cold, hard facts of life. But there’s one other:

—You put a twenty-dollar bill under Wall Street’s nose and yank it away; you can’t blame her for leaping up to try to catch it.

Of course, you can’t blame Big Lug for grabbing her, either. Which he did. Wall Street began kicking and screaming and shouting (I wasn’t sure if it was because she wanted to get loose or because the twenty dollars was getting away).

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